Wednesday, December 1, 2010

its December

Welcome December.. officially its like 10 days into "my YEAr WAITING" .. this is really out of my mind. i dont know why my loyalty lies on the way that most people wont understand. i was wondering why did i ever thought this gonna make any different. trying to come clean and hoping people understand me and forgive me and accept me is kinda wayyyyyy too ... well.. its not stupid for me, but for them even for him.. it is stupid.
i do a lot of way to distract my thought from him but for one and another reason, yes it is up and down , yes or no , tears or devil laugh thing. Cant love cant let go.
But its already a year. and i think im too selfish to understand the sign. its not gonna happen IrNa. it is over long time ago before u bet your self to admit this situation. Well yes. it is.

all my feeling for him just NEVER change. it is still there. yes...
Dear you.. it is still same what i have here. my friends said it is just a guilty feeling that i have, but the fact it is not. it is because i really Need u. but really im done with my self. im done being selfish. its not gonna happen though. i will trying to death fighting my self not to bother you any more. there will no more about me pop up in your life again. i am so sorry .. i took so long to do this. this is hard for me.. its really hard. even i used to think that life was so pointless without u here with me. but now i guess i renew my thought.. " love is pointless when i keep on being the selfish JERK who always bother your life" seriously... I`m done being the pain in the ass. i am seriously madly in love with u , but i will be the one who let u happy. so if not being with me make u happy, well u got it. :)

mistake is not for retake. thank you for letting me learn a lot of thing when we were together.
i`ll be the person i promise u to be. goodbye soulmate. thank u so much for everything. i heart you more thn you ever know. take care.

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